Finding out My Inferiority Complex is Real
An observation from an outsider proved I was right all along.
There’s something a little bit validating when you find out it wasn’t all in your head – at least that’s what happened for me yesterday.
To give a bit of context, last Saturday, I went out with a friend and our mums. We thought it could be nice for them to meet and maybe make friends themselves, plus they were both from Malaysia so there was already a commonality. I guess I am used to the way my mum talks about my brother and I so it’s just normal, but my friend told me yesterday that her mum noticed that when my mum talks about my brother in more favourable and positive terms, than when she speaks about me. So much so, that her mum purposely tried to talk about her brother to even things out so that not all the shade was thrown on me.
Unfortunately and quite sadly, I have been for years acclimatised to those subtle cues, sentences and inflections of favouritism to my brother that in some ways I no longer expect anything different. So for my friend’s mum to call it out (albeit to her daughter and then obviously as a friend who knows what I have been through and my journey last year, she would share it with me) – it was validating and it felt as if that glassy tinted mirror or lens I had put over this issue had cracked.
It’s not all in my head
It’s not just my perception
I’m not making things up
It may be subtle but it’s there… and getting told that an outsider (for all intents and purposes) sees it, speaks volumes.
My mum is quick to say she loves both her children equally, but I know in the eyes of all my relatives – my brother’s worth is greater both culturally and what they perceive in social norms. So I go to where my worth is known – in my own company and with my friends.
I can sense a question from you might be: Will I address it again with my mum knowing full well that I’m not making things up?
And the answer to that is, sadly, probably not. Not because I am scared, but because some people just don’t want to believe it’s true…
That’s such a pain to feel! ❤️🩹That kind of outside validation can be so freeing. I’m really glad you trusted yourself and found your worth where it’s truly seen and valued. You! 💕💕💕
Oof... The part where her mum tried to “even things out” so you didn’t take all the shade..? that hit me in the chest. “It’s not all in my head” is such a brutal kind of relief. I’m really sorry you’ve had to get used to that.