I remember you
Fragments of the boys I once liked and loved — the firsts, the flings, the heartbreaks, the hopes. Each verse holds a snapshot from that time, and in doing so I remember to return to myself.
I remember you. The card you gave me – my first Valentine. We married in the school playground, Had playdates round yours. But the fairytale of innocence ended - I left and never said goodbye. Who knew 25 years later, You would return And in doing so returned that favour. I remember you. The drunken kiss after two shots, My first taste of lips and alcohol Face warm from the intoxication. I wanted more but you did not So we parted, never to speak again. I remember you. It was a time of firsts – betrayal and love. The gift I gave you was a symbol of my devotion But it was never enough and in the end You chose her over me. I wasn't enough. I remember you. Harmless flirting that evolved - Common interests, Sexual attraction, Chemistry. Escalated into a summer fling. I went to live abroad And long distance was not an option - I wasn't worth it. I remember you. I was your first and we lasted a year. I tried so hard to please To be the woman you wanted me to be. I changed my style, my interests All for you and in doing so lost myself. Choosing myself and breaking up with you Left me a hollow shell And I questioned “Who am I?” I remember you. You said you weren't looking for anything serious. I was naive and thought If I stay, you would change your mind. But you never did I felt myself sinking further into my feelings While you continued to hold me at arm’s length. No matter how much I tried to hide and deny, Smile and lie that it was casual Inside I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I remember you. The experience was surreal. Kisses, cuddles and cosy moments It felt too good to be true. My mind kept telling me it wouldn't last And maybe in not believing - I led you to believe it wasn’t right, And filled your mind with doubts. And in doing so – it ended As quickly as it had begun. All that warmth has faded Fading into bitter coldness. Its as if we were never connected. But you gave me a spark And I used it to light a fire. I remember you. The one who always picked up the pieces Each and every time When I break, when I cry, when I scream Somehow you keep me standing Push me forward, never give up on me, on us And it’s you I return home to – myself. The one that knows I am enough. The one that knows I am worth it. The one who knows who I am. The one who never let me go.
