Today I cried.

When crying wasn't weakness - it was release.

Today I cried – just like I have

So many times before.

Truth is I hate to cry

It's supposed to refresh you

But it leaves me numb.

But this time was different.

I cried because I put my foot down,

I stood my ground,

Set up a boundary –

And that brought on the tears.

Maybe because I had a moment of clarity

That unless I follow the formula

I will never be 'normal' in my father's eyes.

Unless I squish myself down,

Make myself small,

Hide my truth –

I will never be accepted.

And what this shows me

Is that in his eyes

Love has always been conditional,

And I no longer fit the criteria.

Instead of meeting me halfway

He chooses to run and hide

To let me go without a goodbye

To reject the person I am

I no longer feel wanted

So why stay in that space

The one that shows me

I have never been accepted as I am.